My hands shake. I hate it so much. don’t want to do again. friends pressure me go on the ride. agree. scream. shout. cry. can’t this anymore. As soon as get off behind trailer. They hold my hair back let out only thing ate all day. start smile. can feel adrenaline surging through veins. miss energy. back. The time is when come close death. Death itself scary but it. fear. excitement. crave life like a one-way mirror. watch people enjoying their lives they see me. near happiness rush. It makes laugh. Yet also People understand say But just help myself. love powerful few seconds hits spot. that mirror shatters think over am being thrown ground. mistakes. fears. Then suddenly it’s over. way was. And I.