Give me the ugly black one. Hos ain't no man gonna pay for the cow if he can get the milk for free. One day I find the girI of my dreams. Okay I must do something to save child. Do I suck poison out of Norbit's ass or do I let him die? before Wong suck poison out of another man's ass. Morning Rasputia the good old days Used to dance Tuesday titty bar Why wait? I do L Amen Ribbed for her pleasure tilI death do us part Everyone has their path in life and this is more or less where mine started. My name Norbit Albert Rice I was an orphan. like to think my parents loved me very much but just didn't have the means properly care for me. can see them researching all of orphanages area agonizing over choices trying make sure precious little boy raised perfect environment. Ling Ling! Someone left another one! Coyotes go! Get! Back! Back coyotes! Get out here! You not eat baby. Oh crap. Another black one. Can't give these away. ugly one too. be here long time. Nobody ever come say The ugliest baby seen. A lot people that are cold scary Golden Wonton a great place grow up. We had everything normaI children had. Pets... Here. Play with that. ...a big backyard lots kids play with. got MSG barrel. Now hair gonna fall again. stupid orphan! want bald Norbit how you find family no hair? Norbit! What hell wrong here? Mr. Wong interesting man. ln addition his love preparation fine Asian cuisine he real passion old-time whallng. It's whale ho! Die son-of-a! Bingo! Right blow hole! go? Why run off bitch? After Marvin Browning lost downtown couple weeks orphanage started using buddy system. Go Kate. That's okay. You're doing good. Kate were always together. Playing checkers... -Oh -Yes! ...watching scary movies. Why we even pooped And then one day decided should tie knot. married under oak tree. now pronounce wife. husband. watermelon. Yours green apple. it's time us kiss now. lived happily after about two weeks untiI she adopted. Bye Norbit. do too much bike riding When left there odd number at orphanage so buddyless while. sometimes I'd get sad never hope. knew someday somebody share life patient. -What'd for? -Because feIt it. -What it? Loser. Stop Leave him alone. -Says who? -Who you? -Rasputia. What's your name? -Norbit. -Norbit? name. -Why'd beat those boys up? -To protect you. -You girlfriend Nesbit? No. Well ass up hold hand. -Okay. -How doing? Everything changed once Rasputia as girlfriend. took each other other respect I'll take... -Come on. because Rasputia first family. three brothers. Big Black Jack. He oldest. Leg. Then Blue. Breasts. Earl. Wing. They sister they treated own. Here go Saved best piece -What's that? -Turkey ass. Eat up sucker. Bon appetitty. Latimores reputation being meanest nastiest town that's folks know them. actually nice hard-working people. ran local construction company recently responding needs community... Yo Morris. ...had opened security business. It surprisingly popular service among vendors. Hey don't shake down. I'm Italian. -Is right? -Yes. here. in. As passed closer closer high school adults. working bookkeeper her family's expecting some important calIs today when answer phone try sound white. finally coming Yes. Of course it only naturaI l would take next step our relationship. man may bride. Open mouth. Rasputia! storybook wedding beginning brand-new chapter. lonely found world. Poor Man. Back game used tell hos ain't worry brother buying milk 'cause bought whole damn cow. speciaI cow That must buttermilk from. Sing shit girl. Them dimples. potholes Look Escalade wedding dress. horror show. woman got. -Hi fellows. -We're jealous right boys? yeah. Way jealous. -Wish let talk second. Look clear. lf hurt sister any way cry sad time razor blades lemon juice. hear me? talking pain boy. Searing mind-numbing pain. understand. understand -Yes yes yes. right. -Welcome -Thank Somebody hunk cake! y'all looking at? cake. better mind hey! Everyone! am Wong. wedding. feel say something toast bride groom story father. raise own child. very confused you... marry Latimore. it boy gorilla. joke joke. joke joke? wanna fight wedding? CooI off before bust Okay. naked. Always pee-pee size egg roll. know -That's true. down by creek around naked poisonous snake jump bite right on Very close hole. pass out. dead. go check puIse. still allve. allve! So start think most responsible thing. "Hell no! "Norbit here "because But strange mystical thing happen Even though poison die. stronger stronger. why deep inside strong. strong warrior. you survive anything. Even... So everyone wish happiness peace love bananas new kidding. To Rasputia. what romantic? you'd carry threshold chocolate drop. Be delicate Put back into Come on Pathetic. we're both nervous we've done before darling. sweet fulI love. Merry Christmas! Ho ho sustained through years. HaIt! 187. Officer going Happy Presidents' Day! God bless America. so began together couple. Morning what. something goddamn dog getting terrorized dog property. sick it! purchase pellet rifle! bark popping pellets bug-eyed bastard's Messing late class. How many times drive car adjust seat! -I haven't touched seat. -Then far? looks far goes No moved tell look inhale titty horn honk. Listen. -That scientifically prove adjusting science. -It is. go. -It's said -I'm just... science sell Restaurant? good practically itself. money Every price. might yours. counteroffer. -Excuse -all rest town intimidated wrong Relax -Be cooI thing Ling pistol! dude crazy. Let's Latimore! Ever! right! Y'all ready class? Are ready? perforate! penetrate! percolate! palpitate! master bate art power-tap fat. Take that skinny way. One two three four. stepped poo wipe off. Ride horse. horse! Keep bucking y'all! bucking! slide! Click clackety clack! Just cops. jail. Riverdance. white Now pump pump Pump four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve. stretch Work bicuspids bilaterals bisexuals. Excuse me Buster? need adjustment Great Pumpkin Trick treat. on? see born trick hip made bendy. See licorice. Look. Goddamn girl look harvest moon. -Turn werewolf. stop. what? Do private lessons? could lessons if favor. brothers funding video tape. international. Billy Blanks double half Blank. idea. Maybe will maybe will. But first lesson. Call -I'll call dancer. -Must Saturday. -Why Because schedule. Almost set watch him. Pope Sweet Jesus Lord Have Mercy. guys doing fellows? Business almost old days. Yes indeedy. mean ? days man pimping know. pimp? -? violation. pimping. Once pimp pimp. -Always. Forever. -Boss player. sent usual. open open. Go yourself there We'll stack -Moniqua! Daddy. Can King Kong large buckets extra sauce? -Please trim Please She wilI kilI while attention interest shoes haircut? bath sink? store too? fit bitches johns. selling johns bitches. -Beds bitches beyond! -Sound thanks guys. puppet show orphanage. At orphanage? nice there. tater puffs children? great sweet. Wait puppets! forgot -Where's puppets? -He puppets. home early? 'Sputia? yeah chocolate! trouble trouble. Willy Wonka. Oompa Loompa. self this. this! Hell pig blanket. -Now squeal. Squeal! -Oink oink oink! from back. Damn Wonka this... Hey. man? brother? How's going Bust-a-move Perkin. Man wife -You're Rasputia's tap teacher. -Man actually guru. giving you're various muscle groups routines. there? can't turtleneck. an... passionate dance. word Dance! See Buster's guest home. dare insinuate Yeah Orbit! such that! offended accusization understand? rather than sit belligerent confrontation God-fearing I'm'a H. Christ situation turn cheek. Amen. happy now? cheated me! told nothing happened happened again knock teeth vows. vows happened! did! makes queen whores! Run lives! Bastard! Moses! God! No! alone! coward! Saddle tramp! get! hope broke ass! Since running Rib Shak short ribs? Extra hot sauce. setting straight famished. Little Red Riding Goose walking forest minding business once... Hello. big bad forest. My eyes have Pig. with Goose. my nose smelI scrumptious goodies basket. no don't. steaI food. won't Don't push around tired pushing around. playing ass bitch. ribs smooth break hoof goose really? lazy behind Or still Buster aIso saddle tramp whore bitch pig... This supposed children's remind Chinese snuff film co-star sorry. carried Wow remember -Kate. Kate! believe hug? times. poop all. Some furniture's style. visiting visiting. moving Really? Wow. sold clothing business Atlanta use buy What? Wong's older. wants whallng so... been dream over. great. look. tree under. I've ring. ate mine. missed left. car. really chance catch much. Tuesday. lunch? lunch lunch. Lunch For sure. Tuesday Tuesday... Say again Wednesday! -Buster. -Hey. thank -Good Good Thank thought work. way hey there's beer refrigerator fresh sheets bed. Power-tap. good boy? sudden. him fever. Ready power-tap huh? Lord strength. Sam -Hey Hi. table. Great. forward week. Good. Who's he? fiancé Deion Hughes. Sit sit sit. -This fiancé? sir. telling partners partners. Shame letting girI Deion's experience estate he's help exciting! wait wait. no. Slow down slow scouting nest egg making hasty decisions regret later know? worked hard money mean? Deion job. Okay? Tuesdays? Lloyd GD matter sensing earthquake sort disaster? my... space. Finally! Cain. suckers tomorrow picnic! Damn messing car old Then mushed this then? you've eating lately possibility that... shrinking. Might smaller. Been raining lately. moist weather. yeah? That'll shrink. weather's moist. cha girlfriend freak eyeballing Shut up! down! hit him! now! -Stop don't! means! Bark! doing! Lloyd! Enough enough. going? Lloyd's hospitaI you! put hospital. morgue too mess threw driving skilIs. selfish cold heartless woman leaving shot? money. name house... without leave! please child! With child? tell? belly. titties achy itchy-like. hug Daddy please. Please understand pony. snow bunny. jurisdiction throwing picnics. Yet mines pimping hos. kissing booth. taking half. work now ho. Sure. Let taste goods. -Greasy. apply? Jesus tickets! tickets tickets. -Let -Line buddy. Line sweetie. -Can jumper? Baby kids. move financially financiaI decision Deion. understood -No. do. do call important. house okay? stay? Hello? Stop! -Hi. saw leaving. of. who with? -Norbit married. -Yeah. -Well wonderful. Really. she? print outfit. bench? sucking jelly donuts. She's pretty. cherry. Is cherry strawberry? Peter! Theo! bothering anyone. sorry Mrs. Rice. Rice? Norbit... Who Kate wife Latimore and -Nice meet -Hello. Kate's friend Latimore Construction? Construction. Why? perfect renovation of... enjoy festivities Jack BB guns. sure get. -What Rasputia? thinking creeping We're friends. What'd having friends? wine cooler. sweItering? -Rasputia drink wine. not? -With no... was... gas. There's drink. Twins! Hey! -Move fat Black. Jack? like? well. Me fiancé Wonton... place? He's Yeah. surprising? Miss Thomas let's They're starting music. great! finish later? Apparently play. hat. Give hat! Here playing? hat tear leg on! can't. waiting us. -No really shouldn't... child front everybody. street urchins. bring Dance dance! women. prayers answered! She'd move prayer Cadillac. bastards. Where cooler? thirsty hell. hell mind. Bitch cooler! birthday! birthday? birthday Norbit's moves everybody! Yeah! loose Go... Crooked employees? Unlicensed doctors? Lipstick husband's collar? Find deallng Send $29.95 Background Checks Mail P.O. Box 1 19 Locust FalIs. partner. Hi head? better. doctor weren't Afro killed okay Norbit? sounds kind fast. well they're tests. monitoring stuff 10 beats per minute high. 120... goodness 130! machine's broke. Hughes? asking? Latimores. town. Your planning plans got sticking raising orphans. bringing hustling her? Break gentle out! Hold missing flow buying huge property outside zoned commercial. liquor license. lnteresting. bar. -Did -Titties. Nipplopolis. Shit ring overpriced watered-down alcohol fake tig bitties abundance. Ain't tax-free under-the-table pure cash time! swing deal Kate? her yours hers. part crazy -They're tomorrow lake. come? ride. never... how the... ride still. learned? nobody teach we'll eIse. water park. begging park watery potentiaI pay maybe... things shock tilI those. -Those things plugged hot. -Clear. No Stop yes! Nurse! God beautiful. cook. wanted special heart. feeling married -Deion. -Church free serious? -Baby belong to. Yes! morning morning. morning? Nowhere special. to... Raging Waters. -Raging Waters? roped into raised and... orphans Waters asked community to part. Skinny Bitch mean Ling? well Ling. Thing picnic. picnic? about sweetheart? even... foreign -Something Russian. -Kate bitch! course hadn't cross wonder question. going. parks parks? amusement except bathroom. There fun. Brian. Nick kids everybody please join not. glad come. stand day inside? ma'am. wearing bottoms? bottoms! beach beach ice chests kinds treats sandwiches potato chips Mentos Skittles sorts delectables. shit concession stand. already ate. fooled sorry? skinny. men little... nothing. skin bones sitting chair bones skin. sorry exactly be. Christian blame pushed plate women ones ones. And between us keep biggest blowing out headboard every night. diet emaciated-looking he'll disgusting sleep while boom bam boom. mad hey. lamb kabob cooler section? Leap Doom. Slowly. Someone's head Wait tiring chasing park isn't Especially folk. Never news. Our Saturday? figured Well... Congratulations then. Thanks. happy. l. is wait bottom. guess at watching slide. safely. -Kids slide? ma'am? 300-pound weight limit. weigh 300 pounds. 165. awesome. sliding bitches! Mary Mother God. does Lloyd? Things Sorry concussion. -And whiplash. bruised stomach. blood clot. Nothing. welI Got same chin. lip. eye... test. test resuIts? case baby... says Construction speaking. McCormick's. Fine. loaded paperwork ear. wondering permits like running City Hall surprise? TelI -Not last -What? -Yeah Watch fence! mailbox. painters Crestview site food poisoning. vomit everywhere! clean vomit. safe. -Yeah! Portosans Drummond's tipped over! -Go! -How? brakes! Actually -Okay -Okay? Giovanni's tonight choose reception. Help decide? Deion? trust dinner tasted cheap take-out. -Good. dress meet 7:00? -Perfect 7:00. Norby. 7:00 late. pervs. wrong? rushing things? couldn't happier. date. someone... paying encounter evening? not! pimp game. -Carmen honey! Hello nice. today? just likes myself. fish net. fixing fish. silly. Girl uphold. Everybody fine. fine? fine girl! -Sister! knows. delicate flower lye kitchen straighten petaIs. Helga bikini wax. come mow lawn. sprucing fiancé. Helga moon dear. police whistle. schedule problems handle about? license rolI property changes hands transfer requests upfront. we'd sign closing restaurant. It'd suspicions. smart-ass -Where -Sit punk Guys toilet needed reinforced Forget guys accident happen. deaI forget papers signed tonight. tonight remodeI BulIshit. do! Thomas sign. Thomas? Thomas. -Get pardon Going through. -Bitch pimpallcious makeover. flashy flashy not... Class. no.... hair's bigger. Thanks help. fly. fly flock birds -Thanks -Handle brother. Gonna -Do walk picked side road casuaI get-together. wires stems touch. -Norbit! Sam. dressed kill Katerina speciaIty Did favorite? flowers water lot banned Sam all-you-can-eat buffet personaI challenge pretty ugly. toast. partners were. should've young latched helped fit gave family nobody wanting safe Like different obviously. Those papers stuff ask question? Sure course. Otherwise marrying Right? -Got pizza. disappear hungry. draining swamp something. definitely swamp. Draining woods before. nothing date pain top seat again? destroying shit. beautifuI Peaceful. -Hello Didn't anybody ready shop. fast reallzed rehearse. least allowed Where's Anybody hasn't turkey ass? Run! which point you'll vows practice those? gotten quite yet. yet? say? saying vows? guess... long. near anything 'cause wanted. spend Something then... -Awkward. crowbar. killing Christian. church cursing Death part cursing Pray bitch pray. Father heaven hallowed thy Thy kingdom Earth heaven. stop Talk can't confused fauIt. kissed confused. hate house. ahead fool. Chocolate drop Lollipop? Mail. Expecting letter frightened date? Date? what's-her-name's rehearsal. wasn't date though. Lloyd. do? KilI heard Rub lce talking. legs legs. legs? pee. hump more Humping weird satanic art? this? acid quarry. Right! Pretty Thang's face. what's happen her. picture beat. l... -Deion talk. plans Black's desk. request renew Wonton's Latimores' yesterday. but... did read them? though they've hands strip joint. Disgusting. First basement garage upstairs attic. build attic then bubble bath. Bitch! Finally. submerge Sounds outside. Over night? permits. away said! Scram! controI gives rat's care? care. either! ever cared darling night... Last night naiI score? reallze beautiful need screwy dame! figure plan? played moment again! pissing today. Wong walk. live neighborhood Long Soon neighborhood dry cleaners killing. suitcase? H Leaving town? stick reason stay reason? besides wind listen child Shanghai. years trade yak. China Yak by. appreciate problem faster. racist. black. Jew either. figure. ugly maiI Friday. Dry Cleaning. huge. spray starch. Mr... gotta warn anymore. somewhere house? air. Boy nowhere wedding's done. says orphans? cover. John Baptist eviI plan. basement. there! madhouse! Beauty takes place. smartest. Three minutes Not chicken ready. P-O-W-E-R. T mother-stanking P. Power-tap fat worry. day. Nuts. -Tap tap tap. Tap Tap... damn. escaped. mine -Just Shit. headed -Norbit coming. -For shizzle? stall calm ruined plenty weddings Dearly beloved gathered today holy matrimony. Honor object! Object? Sir objeculating prematurely Reverend. offense brother train rolling rolling know... . Lesbians. lesbians. -AIthough -Right? -Love. Love engine drives forward backwards side round $20 stanky-stanky hanky-panky. wholesome fortified eight essentiaI vitamins cost anywhere... cost? About $136 Monday Fridays. $212 weekends. inflation. Amen! None beeswax bike. can taught Brothers sisters. particular one's inside ribbed pleasure. -Amen! speaking limited only proud present barbeque back horseradish mustard peanut butter-encrusted slight Jagermeister infusion sprinkled chamomile leaves horseradish dandelion salad bed rice. Buy Pimp Platter free. enough -Ain't people! Love! sing choir! rip -Car! Car! die! ruin Nipplopolis boy! Damn! die Drive Pay sins. change Leroy. enough! Enough! music! -Hold shut husband-and-wife Husband-and-wife stuff. today... Christ's sake! sham life. Kate... said strumpet. spent meant entire miserable Rice longer dead! hitting girl? wait! ruining nuptiaIs. condom advice ex-pimp. few words fake. Him scheme four six women $300000 divorce settlements. steal about! crazy! crush crazy? evidence have. This well... felI pond numbers information. people's names dates addresses incriminating things. Really write yourself? Remember Believe ahead. lose loser liberty inviting ex-wives themselves. Ladies! Antoine. -I've -Daddy! Antoine? Luther! ho? gay. gay twin Antoine Luther. dead gold digger! butt Looks bro. Church! -God snap! Mary! Jesus! Noah! Christ! messed pay. fakakta shop Abe too! well! kick Mind Move didn't! Bye-bye. Bring Henderson tripping your... His Whale whale? -Let's some. -We shit!