I walked through the door with you the air was cold but something 'bout it felt like home somehow and i left my scarf there at your sister's house and you've still got it in your droor even now oh your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze we're singing in the car getting lost upstate autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place and i can picture it after all these days and i know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more and i might be okay but i'm not fine at all oh oh oh cause there we are again on that little town street you almost ran the red cause you were looking over at me wind in my hair i was there i remember it all too well photo album on the counter your cheeks were turning red you used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed and your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team you taught me 'bout your past thinking your future was me and you were tossing me the car keys fuck the patriarchy keychain on the ground we were always skipping town and i was thinking on the drive down anytime now he's gonna say it's love you never called it what it was 'til we were dead and gone and buried check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same after three months in the grave and then you wondered where it went to as i reached for you but all i felt was shame as you held my lifeless frame and there was nothing else i could do and i forget about you long enough to forget why i needed to in the middle of the night we're dancing round the kitchen in the refrigerator light down the stairs you kept me like a secret but i kept you like an oath sacred prayer and we'd swear well maybe we got lost in translation maybe i asked for too much but maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up runnin' scared i was there and you call me up again just to break me like a promise so casually cruel in the name of being honest i'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying there cause i remember it all all all they say all's well that ends well but i'm in a new hell everytime you double cross my mind you said if we had been closer in age maybe it would've been fine and that made me want to die the idea you had of me who was she a never needy ever lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you not weepin' in a party bathroom some actress asking me what happened you that's what happened you you who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes sippin' coffee like you're on a late night show but then he watched me watch the front door all night willing you to come and he said it's supposed to be fun turning 21