Opens in Cuddy’s office. Cuddy: Dr. Riley is throwing up he obviously can’t lecture House: You witnessed the spew or you just have his word for it? I think I’m coming down with a little bit of clap. may to go home few days. laughing doesn’t history lying me. said this fifth time he’s missed class year! Either dying lying. I’ll give two hours off clinic duty. Fine Cameron do it. She loves inspiring inspired. He starts walk off. You’ll turning back Why it always me? Because world hates you. Or because it’s on diagnostics. Pick whatever reason feeds your narcissism better. not doing leaves stops at door and walks back in. You’re supposed stop Renegotiate. Hmm were keep walking. Sorry guess we both screwed up. Go on again. four clinic. Two. know you’d rather spend couple listening yourself than patients. Class twenty minutes. House leaves into lobby clinic. Brenda: House there’s patient. outta here take up Cuddy. A voice: Gregg. turns doors see… infamous Stacy waiting bunch papers x-ray films. him House looks… well hard describe. Run over by bus sounds good. Hi Stacy. Stacy: How’re doing? How am Well last five years been like… ever see those “Girls Gone Wild” videos? Your life’s like that spent watching them? They kind smile. Is that why you’re here? Stacy shakes her head. need help. She hands him films limps desk look. Who looking at? My husband. suffering abdominal pain fainting spells. No sign tumors no vasculitis. Could be indigestion maybe kidney stone. one can pack lot wallop. Did wasn’t going get married? Not someone so poorly endowed. This guy’s pancreas pathetic. off Stacy follows. There stone indigestion. Three hospitals doctors one them found anything. nothing found. Right suddenly trust love puppies long rain. The are out. grabs arm. was around enough when something’s right. Mark’s had personality changes acting strange disconnected… Interesting. It means either neurological component having an affair. affair nothing! He’s sick! too busy avoid work plague. Unless actually asking favor. busy but sure want live. It’s good seeing holding tears. Opening credits! Cut hall. sitting stage 20 people room speak. guys Their legs hurt. What’s wrong A student – let’s call Keen Student raises hand. you I? Keen: Most likely cause leg muscle strain. Apply heat rest affected areas. Statistically Very good. experience: half musculoskeletal generally from excessive exercise. Twelve percent varicose veins brought pregnancy most result vehicular accidents. three people. That’s six legs. So you’ve got hurt jogging collisions pregnant. Some chuckles. Another Caring pipes up. Caring: What they presented? idea. Enter third student: Rebellious one. Rebellious: didn’t ask? history? Of course all told us what happened. Person A farmer says fixing fence. visual farmer. Tightness ankle loss control. The farmer groans collapses. B volleyball practice. girls’ team where there middle-aged man playing them. He dives ball falls ground clutching leg. Coach figured pulled muscle. And C cut mini-golf course we’ve Carmen Electra. Golfing. Her makes golden Buddha she goes “Yes!” Whoa treated Baywatch chick? thespian. no I’ve gotta disguise identity each patients tired using man. seemed pleasant alternative. Also she’s apparently quite golfer. stands. Now less hours these will tossed out hospital faking score narcotics very close death. Any guesses which which? Silence. Okay say start farmer. room. bed much… Straw mouth everything. questioning him. hike fence how far? Farmer: Yes about mile my farmhouse. where’s localized? started above ankle radiating should first? turns standing right next Family Indicative pain? short list. bone cancer osteogenesis imperfecta multiple myeloma? head. pops blood issue. We run CBC D-dimer. Student. MRI. MRI PET scan? If problem’s vascular better Bzzt! thanks playing. Patient’s dead. killed him. students look enough farmer’s dead table. any tests could do! leg. down (and overalls whole garb) now property takes straw smiles. classroom. thought starting case first. are. But if we’re leg… clinic again. pants. stands corner smug face as overalls. gets table hair does so. looks wound then proclaims -- Puncture. classroom Snakebite. That would guess. Farmer snake? said. Sudden shooting pain tall grass never saw thing. me tell snake shape hole leg? antivenin use don’t is? Oh find things Foreman Chase walking farm. Chase: Shouldn’t wait Humane Society something? Foreman: guy might only hours. open gate again dog comes barking them. Back while show up check player? checks man. Cameron: tendonitis. old person? mean really 40-year-old right? worried Would worry more younger? Obviously care our matter age Yeah way Carmen. She’s mine stay away. Chuckles class. operate mother? course not. I’d nervous couldn’t objective. Then anxious treat every patient they’re family? actual 16. Here’s happens doctors much. Cameron talking now-16-year-old-female player. everything As camera pans out player’s entire family room went generations: Parkinson’s other degenerative condition. boy school boys’ made party won’t back friend hers school did. examination knee? depressed. tendoni— has depressed same boy. No boy’s jerk knows yet nodule. Ah. Problems thyroid gland causes mental state inflammation tendons. nodding tests. took such extreme interest person interest discovered tiny Which reality signified nothing gave choice put tendonitis through expensive painful test. player getting needle injected neck. well-adjusted doctor handles case. examining golfer who pants still. hits knee hammer. Carmen: Can now? didn’t. Caring shows Which Electra this? First one. isn’t wearing pants? gives look. Like duh! to Carmen decreased reflexes patellar tendon. Anyone? Rebellious shown Slipped disc? be. bad hurt? deadpan hurts really bad. Yeah? seem real. faking? God’s sake. here play fantasy Meryl Streep. Fine. Carmen disappears late 30s known Late 30s Man. Man: hell He’s rocking thigh. Do something! collapses table pain. Too much slipped disc. herniated impinging nerve root. almost yell heard man’s groaning/yelling. referred groin. Sir anywhere else? part drowned out. curling back. Help me! Oooh. anything pain. Give 50mg Demerol. history allergic. holding syringe do? diagnose screams. Better killing killers While speaking syringe sticks Apparently Thank feel now. drops did exactly attending proper handle case? Yeah. used dealer! drug-seeking behavior practice reason: works. Meanwhile farm… farm caught snake. on cell timber rattlesnake. room. Four vials CroFab antivenin. Hey All taking vial nurse making fast. push antivenin 5 seconds after choke. allergic reaction bag. ventilate. Paddles epi. Nurse: heart’s fine— way. monitors beep. Paddles! classroom full shot it. five? Get some coffee pee. leaves. lounge area outside classroom. Wilson there. Wilson: asked question. And… what? gonna him? There’s probably sure sense. “sick husband” routine excuse touch easy her? she’d near desperate. So help hate stand keen Uh House? Found responding anti-inflammatories expect whoa whoa. snakebite guy? player. sudden massive stroke? Really? No. make interested T4 came low? interesting benefit being true. biopsy wasted Apparently We’re Thyroxin. It’ll level moods. Volleyball Player: pills. that’s first time. Snakebite interesting. Gross actually. whose skin rot peel off… yum! House’s responded epinephrine reaction arrested. Unfortunately continues deteriorate. Maybe wrangler type caught. faxed venom tests confirmed looking tests Notice volume? skimmed gender coloring skipped name snake. 200mg. Our ago. regenerates quickly. fast snakes their venom? Nope. helpful. must bitten different online poisonous common New Jersey: copperhead rattler coral. copperhead rattler respond antivenins guy. question? blindly another Especially types commonly Jersey. uncommon one? We’ve need. Odds are autopsy results was. Again do. seems unfair ask antivenin? Half hands. goes assume kills saves usually works turning black stage. saved life. blamed against taught exist. Just answer even okay. simpler that. plain wrong. team bed antivenin. voiceovers again? here. ready whatever’s necessary ensure airway stays heart keeps beating. wife’s in wait? sorry can’t. begins inject serum happens. nods confronted Man. Class. back? Vicodin On average drug addicts stupid. cops. Good wouldn’t risk careers hunch. hunch wants drugs. believe sick. Actually tend sick often non-drug addicts. Luckily faster several. preference urine testing. already drugs system. testing for. Man enters nurse. hard rubber tube urethra bladder. uncomfortable. anesthetic? nurse job. concerned reactions today. Classroom. drawers rod penis hour jonesing. easier ways hold Other example. mug sniffs off. treatment. water fountain yells -- At least working account fact worse. still hear little. really! filling mug me asked? preparing insert IV yells. sorry. know. hurts! promise careful. needle flinches soon touches skin. Susan! At fountain real name! Susan barely touched you! tries again screams. Aaaah! much! blood. on. Diagnostic Hypersensitivity touch. Her calcium up? Lab question why. Likely suspects? Parathyroid adenoma. Kidney problems. Vit. D intoxification. Hyperthyroid. Caused treatment? Whoa whoa please slow down? sip spits slowly adenoma likely. Check PTH Diagnostics speaking slowly. phosphorus ionized calcium technetium sestamibi. farmer? right until months well established fixed construct. white board writing pertaining His condition’s improving double dosage. Already antivenin effective tried stuff stuff Gave high-dose steroids. Nothing’s working. camera mean? Wrong had. late? Yep. dying. finally babysitter. let know? kidding. dying? yeah dying wife kid. great. Makes “breaking news” thing easier. piece news. man catheter circulating red liquid (mmm hmm!) addict peeing later point class. fooling yellow crayons drawing something. teach teaching architects explain building fell down. roleplay stuff? news Dying 101? They grade gentleness supportiveness? scale measuring compassion? buddy ten bucks somebody “Thank you.” Imagine good thank telling picture. Eh needs brown. thanked often. In except deal home. dog? happen radiology performing scan neck clean. Wait wait wait. cares route improv sessions? basic truth human condition everybody lies. variable what. weird tends focus priorities. matters willing die lie neighbor neighbors won’t. aunt snakebite remember bit. Sure Cujo awhile report Cujo’s record chair. is dog’s die. Chase Foreman trying wrangle chairs. risked life save thing? him swab mouth. grip holds fist. odds. What serious? Come One two three! puts fingers scratching nads go. it! Chase dogs mouth pulls back. head finishes picture. reveal… brownish orangish spot. Really ugly color. that? tea-colored drugs… what’s differential diagnosis tea-colored? stones Blood urine. color pee? Yellow. blood? Red. colors use? Red brown? Wastes. kidneys shutting Why? Trauma. None indicate. damage done self-injection Treatment? Heat possible causes. Infection. Start antibiotics. pauses. come on! useless. elevated creatine kinase you? trauma days he’ll fine. sure? CK rules infection worse useless? Useless oblivious. student. missing? know everyone missing? from doorway Muscle Nothing consult. leaks myoglobin. toxic kidneys. Brilliant. leg machine. girl MRI? revealed doctor’s obsessive thinks is. Cameron act directed her. needed death antibiotics have. better? nature medicine screw kill someone. pick profession. finish medical teach. days before death? suggested parents. osteosarcoma: cancerous tumor femur. removed surgically. With chemo excellent chance survival. warn depending large ingrained surgeon amputate Mother: dogs’ mouths pretty filthy natural antibodies fight stuff. don’t. bites nasty. lab test saliva strep bacteria. “flesh eating disease”. We’ll immediately remove damaged tissue. Cuddy problem. sorry none earlier personally oversee treatment cut open aren’t ya? showed caused self-injection infection. aneurysm clotted leading infarction. sitting God House. bed. surgery. necrotic tissue removed. find. become order remember. Honey They’re cutting Patient choice. Tell okay night polishing hacksaw. surgeons saving limbs. themselves more. unreasonable position. Trying maximize also maximizes chances something extra ass. Cuddy Stacy. Amazing advances made. Kids prosthetic running 100-meter dash twelve seconds. pretty. bypass restore circulation. Amputation safer. For blockage flow Four-day blockage. Yes. cell When cells die release cytokines potassium instead lopping crap washed organ failure cardiac arrest. hand post-operative alone understand risks clear. schedule OR. Cuddy idiot. jerk. glib. cute yourself. completely reassured. family (praying?). “Not leg” left helps write either” right. player surgery. CGI clot yelling morphine. recommended mean Morphine thinking damn morphine! talk Cuddy. Oh longer last? depends death Or? option middle ground between amputation. big ground. reading printouts EKG Nurse? Nurse! gluconate. mLs. QRS wider. rising. doctor. fast ‘cause dose wide complex tachycardia. trouble Listen narcotic! buzz. You’ve His breathing quickens Nurses enter including Someone: got? Wide diagnosed Charge. Clear! shock flatlines. technically minute. new dog. stops gown. scene whites – game game. stands. flatline monitor shocking standing dead? experiences real? Define experiences. meant… Personally choose light sometimes visions saw. chemical place brain shuts conclusive science. practical relevance life outcome comforting. comforting simply subsiding. You’d taking longer. life? would. worth mine? patient Wha chance! browbeat knew shove leg! deserve live? happy? They’re can’t area. sits change mind? chemically induced coma sleep worst coma? closely forty-eight without incident meant health-care proxy decisions able to. wants call nods. inducing coma. Stacy Hey. wake golfing. too. going under about. about? reperfusion injury forms signed. extent removed utility patient’s severely compromised. delay diagnosis experience chronic proxy. life! fine matter. call. half-laugh buzzer something. end? at Twenty minutes picking “World’s greatest dad” toward Cuddy world’s dad. ranked. lets kids lead-based paint? Find plastic cups leaving behind shellshocked students. office. calling cell. opening tomorrow morning. Make husband late. hangs End!