Dehydration. Growing pains. December 2021 My fingers locked up hurt like they were angry at me. Told my parents— They believed I them. But hadn’t grown. Not an inch. Weeks went by— joints hurting more— it felt a war inside. Days in bed family helping me stand trying to hold on normal. Easter day— kids laughing downstairs— while lay upstairs trapped body hoping wishing waiting. Emergency rooms— waiting eight hours— hoping for answers. only gave more questions. Then the hospital— new world. Strapped down— scared of me— diagnosed with lupus lupus nephritis arthritis kidney failure Anemia. It wasn’t growing pains. was inside Physical therapy— walking leash— biopsies tests scans— no sleep— all noise— chaos. brother’s birthday— small gift— little bit normal— his face—disappointed. Me—feeling burden— pain everyone. Selfish maybe. got out— meds— sun— gained weight— lost hair— stranger mirror. Darkness came— anxiety depression— heavy pain— everyone— so said fine— hid how really felt— behind mask couldn’t keep on. Pain inside— self-harm— desperate cry— way quiet noise. didn’t break. I’m still here— learning heal— speak— am enough.