"If a bird is raised in cage it will live and die without ever stretching its wings to fly. Sure may have the feathers wings view of sky but so long as golden gilded cage bars surround under false pretense “safety” never take leap soar. Growing up Utah was akin being cage. There world inside out. who I supposed be what I irrevocably am. Queer. The course built bar by from societal expectations cultural norms burden organized religion. inside safe. had all answers. Inside there guarantee community safety straight forward path laid out for me– moment born until die. But outside freedom. Until age twelve nothing less than perfect mormon girl. attended every meeting activity early morning scripture study. Beehive president Miamaid Bishop’s daughter future missionary. perfect. convinced myself thoroughly that forgotten been trapped first place. But then again. If this meant why constant nagging feeling something wasn’t right? Why within me knew else wrong sinful? From ages 12-14 questions began. Inside mostly (A songbird would dare question safety metal prison anyone itself an empty waiting response god cared answer). drowned my art filling stacks sketchbooks countless notebooks full stories head. Through pencil paintbrush grew bigger in. And dreamed wings. Of none could be shown nor vocalized. A caged happy bird safe cats hawks prowl shadows beyond lock. Yet day day hour hour with brush stroke scribbled word hold fear on weaker. 15-16 waited. went through motions. Church meetings Sunday youth Tuesday. remained appearances perfect though eyes were fixed elsewhere: I’d living found love writing theater– which gave voices feelings not brave enough speak. tension between in am grew one tried door locked guilt mask identity kept long. No locks no keys. Just look mirror finally accept truth running from. They say ship harbor safe that’s ships are for. From 17-18 stood edge harbor right wind. One gust. Two gusts. gone. sky caught stretched feathers. became other right free. I moved Logan few months after 18th birthday determined make new life myself. Behind me left those still stuck it. parents two older siblings three nephews niece bars afraid lock didn’t exist. They loved can’t visit skies. In order fly back them return they continue understand escape shackle rather 19-21 I’ve worked hard strengthen find other birds like me. Singing birds swimming flying birds. All shapes colors sizes. light. love. oh much more work done many cages conquer know do. close eyes. deep breath. fly."