The metal stool felt colder than it should have. My face was more swollen be. I exhausted expecting to Nothing right at that moment. coaches sat me down their voices hoarse as they continued shouting but too tired listen. tried listen really did. But my mind and eyes kept drifting. scanned the crowd. indoor stadium packed brim all noises blurring into one. looked over once twice a third time already knew she wasn’t even here. It like kick stomach. Biggest fight of life woman who raised hadn’t come. Little things she’d said earlier excuses vague comments about being busy way avoided committing suddenly made sense. She just missed fight chosen something else me. Every strike every bruise gasp crowd carried sting betrayal. For second cage disappeared six years old again waiting for Dad come home from work. had been brimming with excitement tell him what happened in day went wrong how training was his day was. thoughts reminded He never came. teary eyed mum on phone death notification officer. Thoughts are good sort thing. snap back when bell round 2 rings. Across cage he smiled family cheering on yelling. hit hard hard. strike cracks through arena each sound swallowed by gasps blur concern excitement. kicks head fall. He's an instant raining punches can do is take them. lip tears cartilage nose breaks corner loses hope. referee pulls off thought over no going get out early. end round. Now filled worried angry hopeless coaches. They begin yelling again feels it’s digging deeper grave find myself drifting away again. car accident killed him. Someone sold wrong used behind wheel. swerved head-on father’s truck. dad react home. doctor matter inches seconds. If only leaning other side shards probably wouldn't have penetrated skull. Maybe if left office run grab it maybe could've stayed late. would've here today would state champion guy front be broken grieving mother could forgive herself. These punches blooding up also It’s last now. Fists elbows knees crashes Each one reminder breaking. swung back wild sloppy. ditch nothing lose type effort. waits patient. vision drowns blood. don’t notice ref until hand slices air. Just that anything all. doesn't care you are takes.