I find monstrosity in my class readings because I find it in myself in my transformation to something bigger than this life bigger than death—with the impression of violence imagined or real which I think is easier for you to cement when you see my smile as teeth being bared. My changing is not happening in steps but in shoves or in hostage situations—like when I say I want to change and remove and become myself and I imagine blood and bone and family reunions looking at me like I watched Tusk slowly becoming alien and replaced and accepted but monstrous for the acceptance. They don’t know that in changing I become human that the walrus limps back into the ocean with barely a ripple only to be called back to see how I have changed and how my body has become mine not blood or bone or family reunions and definitely not hers. I will have my own name and tongue and body to hold and my mother will not call me a bitch for changing and my father will not shackle me to the word beautiful and then I can make my own words and find them in living and in personhood. I will enter the process of creating a new name like lyrical salvation embrace it with arms held open though maybe you will see this as an attack not a hug. I will keep my name for myself will not let it define me will let myself leave impressions of more than definition leave impressions of body and my self so I can become more than Beck.